Living With PCOS

This is a re-post from my other blog "Ponderings and Wonderings"

OK, this one's kind of personal, but most of you who are reading are my friends and family. And if not, you probably got here looking for info about PCOS, so you'll understand. I've been thinking alot about this lately.

I always think about it when I read the biblical account regarding the woman with the issue of blood. I'm not sure what her issue was, but I imagine it was much like mine. Eternal menstrual cycles meant eternal uncleanness -- she was ostracized in some really sad ways -- considered unclean meant that no one could really touch her. . . she was never going to get married -- she was destined for a life of loneliness and exclusion. My life could be worse. Thank Heavens I wasn't born in biblical times.

And of course, there's the barrenness issue. Here, again, let me appeal to the Bible and reference the stories of Leah and Rachel, Abraham and Sarah, Hannah, etc. Yes, I may not be able to have children, but it is certainly more acceptable now (though no less sad) than it would have been then. Thank Heavens I wasn't born in biblical times.

Now, if I had been born around the turn of the 20th century, I could have had an interesting job as part of a traveling circus as a bearded lady. . . yes, I do know it's not "normal" for women to have the facial hair that I have, and yes, I am aware of waxing, depilatories, shaving, and plucking -- however, none of those work for me on a frequent enough basis to look "normal" so, unfortunately for me, living in 2009, that means lots of questions from nephews and students about why women have mustaches or beards -- and the whole hormone thing a little difficult to explain to 5, 7 or 35 year-olds, so I don't usually bother. I simply say, "sometimes they do. . ." But, again, it could be worse -- I'm not a member of the freak show of the traveling circus -- although sometimes I feel like it. . . .

The accusations are never-ending: butch, lazy, fat, freak, etc., but the truth is this: I have PCOS, and because of that my hormones are as screwy as they come, and that affects weight, hair growth, moods, fertility, and probably a thousand other things that I'm not even aware of. And yes, I've spent my fair share of days crying, feeling sorry for myself, being depressed, etc. -- and in all honesty, those days have probably not seen their end, but it could be worse. I am happily married to a man who loves me even if I could be in a circus freak show, and cannot give him children. I am aware of my blessings, thank God for the humility that comes with the challenges I have faced, and ask Him for wisdom for how to handle questions and comments that are embarrassing.

But if Jesus walked by, I think I would reach for his garments too, because this is not the life I would have chosen for myself. Nonetheless I will try my best to face it with grace and confidence in the one who can overcome. . . and long for heaven, where I have already reserved my size 3 (or at least 7/8) heavenly body with no facial hair, my place in the choir, and the acceptance that I've sometimes missed out on down here. :~)

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I don't always feel this way about my condition, but I definitely have days!!!!!!! Today, however, was a good day. I have more energy -- I've lost another pound. Life is good. I need to remember that on days when I feel like I felt the day I wrote this earlier post.

No recipe today -- my husband is waiting with candles lit, and it is late. :~) G'nite!!!!!!